LEARNING ABOUT YOUR SELF
Weng

Being in the mission here in Tagaytay is really a great privilege, for here I have learned something very important in life. As a child raise in a fastidious and impassive family, sadly I carried my erroneous and painful perception into adulthood. And when we’ve experienced neglected or unloved we usually struggle as adults with a sense that there is something terribly even uniquely wrong with us. We may even think that we are flawed in a way other never could be. We even think that we are less worthy than others.

All experiences worked together to create in me a sense that no matter what I did it wasn’t good enough. That no matter how hard I work I should try harder. I really believed that I was supposed to be perfect person.

Flawed! It is so painful living with this knowledge about you. You feel like you’re a big disappointment to the people around you. That’s exactly how I felt – flawed. So what now. I realize that portraying who I am was not safe and so I worked very hard to find out who others wanted me to be. And then I did everything I could to please them. I tried to perform as perfectly as possible in order to gain their approval because I have this idea that if I gain enough approval it would feel like love. Of course it doesn’t work that way. But I thought if I accumulated a lot of approval it would magically turn into love, which would satisfy those deep longings in my heart.

From what I have understood, God allows this deep longings be felt by an individual, so that we can be drawn nearer to Him; and that desire is a part of us, part of our soul as women; and not something to be despised. In fact it is something to be respect.

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